i need an iv and a liver transplant
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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