im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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