fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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