if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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