I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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