so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
