: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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