GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
