I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
