so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
