He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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