He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
