I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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