Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
