omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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