This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
