i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
