i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
