I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
