just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
