where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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