my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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