I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
