You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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