Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
