im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
