Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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