Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
