Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
