jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
