Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
