If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Randomize
