Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
