I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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