he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
