he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
