and next time when you feel me up, do it right
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
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