I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
