So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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