is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
