All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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