she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
