i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
