piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
