I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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