Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
