you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I intend to get homeless drunk
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
