i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
