in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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