I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
